Up the River
"Don't go up the river" they had told her, "the people up there aren't like us. They bend your flesh, break your humanity. They'll steal our perfect little boy away." She'd heard that again and again and again, throughout her childhood and beyond, even when getting back from a day of working at her little farming village, the "fleshcrafters" up the river were treated as the eternal boogeyman.
So why, then, had she packed up all her things that mattered and started trekking straight up the river towards them?
She... didn't really know. She looked back, miles away from the only place she had ever known, at where she had come from, and thought about them. How they fed her and clothed her and let her live under their roof and kept her safe and—
She shook her head to clear it. Sometimes she couldn't help but drift back to the rose-tinted glasses, but she needed to focus.
They also denied her wanting to be, you know, a woman, and threatened her with how she sounded like the mythic "monsters" up the river. And frankly? It's not like whoever those 'fleshcrafters' were could be exactly worse for her. At least they'd call her a woman, instead of some misguided boy.
Besides, she... frankly really needed whatever they had. Her body had increasingly grown to feel entirely disgusting to her. She felt out of place in her own skin, let alone the hair that kept growing out of her face. She wanted to be reshaped.
She needed to be reshaped.
That's why she had to leave, to go to the fleshcrafters and beg them to do something, anything for her. She needed whatever they had, whatever dark magic they were doing. It was... a matter of survival.
She started walking again.
It was just after sunset the night before that she had set out. She changed into the makeshift dress she'd made from some of her worn-out clothes, a ratty flannel thing that nonetheless brought her joy to wear, collected a couple weeks' food, and set off into the night.
She hadn't even bothered to say goodbye.
But that's the key, right? What would they even have done if she had? She'd been asking about the fleshcrafters since she was a kid, fascinated by what they could do.
She'd quickly learned that asking with sparkling eyes about how they "disfigured the line between the genders" got her beaten, rather fiercely in fact.
Just thinking about the memories made her wince.
She doubted she would have been able to say no if she had said goodbye and they tried to push her to stay. She... always had trouble standing up to them.
She shook her head to clear it again.
She was out now, on a journey on her own, only getting further from the people who held her back. She'd gotten away from them, after so many years. She was... free.
Even if the fleshcrafters didn't accept her or listen to her pleas for help, or even tried to attack her, she'd be happy. She'd finally built the courage to push back in a big way.
She smiled as she walked.
She was honestly surprised no one had come after her. It had been a week since she left, and just... nothing.
She guessed she must've gotten a lot of distance with her head start leaving in the middle of the night.
A more cynical part of her brain said that they were glad she was gone. She probably asked too many questions, inconvenient questions, ones that threatened their order.
She didn't particularly care either way.
Her legs were sore from the number of days she had walked, and frankly she was a little lonely. She hadn't run into anyone save the occasional deer since she left. She wondered how far up the river her promised land was.
She hoped she'd brought enough food.
That'd be ironic, right? Finally leaving the place that kept her safe this long, only to starve to death fifty miles from the home she'd abandoned.
But it never had really been her home, had it? It was the place she lived, sure, but she never... belonged. Never fit in. Never was understood or listened to.
She shook her head.
She was going to make it.
She had to believe that.
She continued on, despite her legs' protests.
It was nearing sunset of that day when she finally saw it on the horizon. A huge building, larger than she had ever seen in her village, at least five or six stories high. Towering over her off in the distance, it was...
It was breathtaking.
She was nearly there, it was just a little bit longer, a little bit more walking, and she'd be there. She'd made it. She couldn't help but excitedly move her body around as she walked, flapping her hands a little bit.
She finally made it just as the sun dropped below the horizon. The front of the building had a weird criss-cross metal fence surrounding it, which was surprising to her. Metal was usually a rare enough commodity around the farms that it had to be saved for tools. A whole fence made of it was... new to her, to say the least.
The whole facility was lit by various lampposts shining an unnatural white light down on the newly-set night. She followed the posts to the center of the fences, which appeared to be a gate of some sort held closed by a chain lock.
She anxiously glanced around, an anxious part in the back of her head saying she was going to get stabbed from behind at any moment, but she didn't see anyone around.
She let herself down on the ground, sitting in the dirt for a bit. She really needed the rest, despite her anxiety.
She repeated in her head that she made it she was here she made it she was here she made it she was here she made it she made it she
The loop was broken by someone shouting "Hey, who are you?" from the other side of the gate.
She shook her head to clear it, and glanced over at them. Their clothes were shiny, with sequins of some sort reflecting the unnatural light back at her in various colors. There was a deep green pattern around the sides of their outfit, and a bit more pale decoration around the stomach.
She couldn't get a good look at their face from her position, but just the colorful nature of the outfit was... impressive.
She shook her head again. She had to actually answer what they asked, who she was.
She thought about the question for a bit. Who was she? Sure she had a name that they had given to her, but she... never really liked that one. It wasn't her. It fit wrong.
She opted to answer with why she was there instead.
"I'm... from a bit down the river. I had heard of you from them, and wanted to see for myself if... if what they said was true." She responded, projecting far more confidence than she actually had.
"What rumors might these be?" the person in front of her inquired.
"They... call you 'fleshcrafters'. They talk all about how you 'defile gender', bend the body to your will, and... that sort of thing. I'm... I, uh, want to know. I..." she trailed off.
"Wait, they call us fleshcrafters now? That's fuckin' sick, holy hell." The seriousness quickly faded from the person's voice as excitement got in. "I'll get the gate for you so we can talk inside, I gotta assume you're not comfortable in the dirt there, and you seem safe enough."
They took a key from a pocket on their gaudily-decorated jacket, put it in the chain lock and pulled the gate open, walking out and offering a hand to help her up.
She took their hand, and they were... very strong. Her heart skipped a beat in a way it never had before back there.
They guided her through the gate, and she noticed a decoration sticking out from under their jacket. It looked like a lizard tail, with similar green sequins to their jacket adorning it.
They turned around to lock the gate behind them.
Wait, they were locking her in here? Oh no they were locking her inside they were gonna hurt and abuse her her family was right they were evil and-
"By the way, I like that dress you have. Did you make it yourself?" they questioned, breaking the spiral.
She shook her head to dismiss the panic, and looked up slightly to see the taller person's face.
"Uh... yeah. I figured out how to sew some old farm clothes together. It's... kind of bad-looking, though..."
"What? No, it looks great! I love that patchy style, it's a hell of a look, and it suits you real well."
She blushed a little bit at the compliment and fidgeted with her hands. She hoped the blush wasn't very visible in the light.
"T-thank you." she stuttered out.
The person stuck their hand out for a handshake. "Name's Draco, xe/xem/xyr pronouns. And what might you want to go by?"
She took xyr hand and shook it, turning over the question in her head. She... wasn't really sure how to answer.
"I, uh... don't really have a name I care to go by. If you could call me she, though I'd... really appreciate that..." she stuttered out, nearly at a mumble by the end.
"Oh, certainly, that's fine! You don't need to figure out a name yet, a lot of trans people get weird feels about them" Draco responded reassuringly.
She was right. The fleshcrafters did respect her far more than they ever did back home.
Draco gestured her along as xe walked towards the building's entrance, and she followed behind. Xe talked back towards her as they walked.
"So what all do you know about us, besides those rumors those people you were with told you?"
"Uh, not much..." she paused before continuing, "mostly the stuff to scare kids into line, 'the evil fleshcrafters will come get you in the night if you're naughty', stuff like that."
Draco laughed in front of her.
"Nice to know it's not hard to be seen as a big scary dragon by those sort, all you have to do is be aggressively yourself and you're their evil monster, it's great" xe responded, still laughing, "what'd they say us 'evil boogeymen' would do?"
"They... never really said, they just... figured you all were scary on your own."
She paused for a moment.
"What was that... word you called me before? 'Trans' or something?" she asked hesitantly.
Draco responded with a hearty laugh.
"Oh that's just a word for anyone like us, creatures who want to reshape their body for their own image. Like how you're a girl and I'm a dragon, that all."
Draco took a breath before continuing.
"And that's... really the 'fleshcrafting' we do here too. Creatures like us stumbled upon this old manufacturing plant a few decades ago, and just... picked it up, started making meds for us all to realize that image, y'know? And people like us just... kept coming, kept this place alive, made it our own like we make our bodies our own."
Draco laughed again, with a dreamy glint in xyr eyes as xe continued xyr ramble.
"That's why I'm strolling around outside usually, looking for people like you coming along. Traders come along too, and we get supplies from them and all, but, really, I guard for the people like you, all the runaways in the night who get to shape themselves here. It really is a beautiful transformation every time."
She calmed down a bit, her stimmy stutter becoming more excited than anxious from listening to the passionate ramble.
"That's... really wonderful! I'm excited to be here."
"Yeah, it really is a wonderful place." Draco paused to hold a door open for her before continuing, "but unfortunately, I can't give you the full tour, 'cause I need to get back to guarding. Nik's gonna be waiting inside and shi can take you around. Shi/hir pronouns with an "i", by the way."
She nodded in response, committing the concept to memory.
Draco took her in the next door, where a tall person in a flannel shirt like her own dress and patchy jeans was resting against the wall, showing that the right side of hir hair was shaved down, asymmetrical with the left side hanging down at hir shoulder. She guessed from context that this was the Nik that Draco mentioned. Draco waved at hir and started talking.
"Got a newbie here, another runaway from dogshit parents, could you show her around so I can go back to watch?"
Nik got up from leaning against the wall.
"Oh wow, we haven't had one of 'em in a couple months, have we? What's she go by?"
"No name yet, but she/her pronouns." Draco said, to a nod from Nik.
"Aight, I'll show her how everything is, yeah."
Draco waved at her and Nik before beginning to make xyr way back out the door. She hesitated for a moment before rushing out to give xem a big hug.
"Thank you..." she said, nearly to the point of happy tears.
"Don't even mention it, it's just what I do. Tell you what, we can try and chat more once my shift's done, okay?"
She nodded, before heading back over towards Nik.
"Alright, girl, let's get going, I bet you're pretty tired after however long you walked."
To hir credit, Nik gave an empassioned tour of the facilities, which would be enrapturing to most following, but given everything, she couldn't really pay the most attention. She looked around, amazed by the diversity in presentation everyone she saw had, far beyond anything she ever would have saw back home at the farm.
She interrupted her own thoughts. No, this was home now. The farm never was. This was 'like home', just as much as anything.
And to her, that was the most comforting thought of all:
She was home.