Communication

"Alright, so you wanted to talk about serious stuff, right Jade?" Lilac asked, sitting hirself and hir partner opposite the window into the city night.

Jade took a deep breath and made a valiant attempt at beginning to talk before quickly tearing up and clutching Lilac.

Lilac took a deep breath.

"It's okay babe, take your time, I'm here for you." Lilac said, grabbing Jade and holding her close as well.

The couple held each other like that for a little while, held close in each other's arms.

"It's just..." Jade managed to stammer out after a bit, "I'm so scared of losing you or driving you away or... being left behind."

Lilac clutched hir partner tighter.

"I... see you so focused on your other partners and it makes me feel jealous, scared that you prefer them more than me and just keep me around out of some sort of fawny pity. And I end up hating myself for feeling like this, it makes me feel so clingy and possessive like I'm trying to dictate your other relationships so I just... shove it down so I don't hurt you more as it eats me up inside and..." Jade trailed off.

Lilac gave Jade an affirmative nod, gesturing her to continue when she could. Jade took the moment to give herself a quick breather before continuing.

"I don't want to be someone who resents your other relationships out of my own jealousy, I hate feeling like I'd be pressuring you whenever you give someone else attention, but... feeling deprioritized, like I'm less important or second best or something, it hurts me regardless of my self-hatred."

Jade paused and sighed.

"Everyone always tells me how important it is to always communicate my feelings, to make sure everything is known and negotiated and all that jazz, but it's so hard when I'm scared telling you all this is just... gonna either make you fawn and hurt yourself or throw me away for being too jealous or abusive or something. Relationship rules are rules, though, and I know shoving down my feelings forever is gonna hurt more than just ripping off the band-aid and getting it over with, so... there's my soul bared, I guess."

Lilac took a moment to collect her thoughts, repositioning hirself on the couch they'd set up on.

"First off," Lilac started, "thank you for working up the courage to tell me about this all, I know how terrifying it can be to open up like that. I'm never gonna leave you for opening up to me on something like this, okay?"

"Th-thank you." Jade stuttered out, Lilac noting how much of her body she was vibrating in the anxiety.

"Secondly," Lilac said, taking a deep breath, "you're... sort of right. I've not been perfect about making sure you get balanced attention. Is there anything specific that's been strongly hitting those feelings that I can work on?"

Jade took a moment to ponder.

"I'd... like to be able to do things with you more often. I know some of it is coincidental timing, but that doesn't make it not fuck with me when I see you do some much with your partners that are exactly my own fantasies."

Lilac nodded.

"Yeah, I can work on including you in that kind of stuff a bit more, I'll try and figure out more to do when I'm in the mood."

"Thank you so much." Jade laughed nervously, one of her usual anxious tics, "gods, I don't deserve you at all, babe."

Lilac kissed Jade on the forehead and grabbed her chin, tilting her head up to hir gaze.

"Babe, of course you deserve me, don't be ridiculous. Despite what your mean brain fills in blanks on, I love you and appreciate your presence here, and you bring so much joy to me when I get to be with you."

Jade sniffled, clearing some leftover tears.

"I love you too, Lilac." Jade took a moment before continuing, "...and could we cuddle out here for a bit? This is... nice."

"Yeah, that sounds like a good idea."

The two partners held each other like that for a while, dried tears on Jade's face and Lilac's flannel, staring through their translucent reflections out into the city night, feeling contented and, overall, happy.